Ignore-Amus
Ignore-Amus is the twenty-sixth episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the sixth episode of season two. In this episode, Sandy's cousin visits Bikini Bottom. In an attempt for him to leave, she hides herself underground with SpongeBob, yet fails. Sadly, Amus's cousin is conman, and in several attempts, all of which succeed, to convince be to do his bidding. Will Sandy find a way to put his conman ways to a close, or will she fall victim to his cons? This episode is paired with Breaking and Softening. Characters *SpongeBob SquarePants *Sandy Cheeks *Amus Cheeks (debut) *Gary the Snail *Squidward Tentacles (cameo) *Eugene H. Krabs (cameo) Transcript *''begins at SpongeBob's pineapple; SB is riding on top of Gary to the mailbox'' *'SpongeBob:' Mush onward, Gary! We're almost there. turns to the right Look out for that rock, Gary! jumps over the rock; SpongeBob wipes head Whoo. Close one. crashes into mailbox *'Gary:' head; throws SpongeBob off Meow meow meow! away *'SpongeBob:' What do you mean you don't get paid enough for thos? The ride costs fifty cents...which I never pay. If you don't want me, then you might want to get another driver. mailbox *'Gary:' back to SpongeBob, curiously Meow meow meow? *'SpongeBob:' out contents Let's see. away all of the envelopes Just a bunch of bills and court summons. note glued to hand Huh? What's this? note off of hand It's from Sandy. note "Dear SpongeBob," *''voice takes over as narration, reading the note'' *'Sandy:' voice-over "...I thought you might throw away your mail. I need you for something important. Come to my treedome and stand exactly five feet from the back door. No time to explain. Also, this note will explode, yet I don't know when." *'SpongeBob:' gasps This is terrible! to bottom of letter She didn't say sincerely. *'Gary:' Meow! *'SpongeBob:' You're right, Gary. firmly upward I shall go to Sandy's house! She needs to learn how to end her letters! into distance *'Gary:' shoulders Meow meow ma-meow ma-meow. read: "Whatever gets you to her house quicker, I guess" *''cuts to Sandy's treedome; SB is walking around the treedome; he is walking to the back'' *'SpongeBob:' Hmm. Five feet behind the treedome, eh? looks left then right Does she mean north, south, or east? *'Sandy:' muffled North! *'SpongeBob:' around Who said that?! at map Was that you, magical talking map? You need to help me. I know you told me that I need to go south, but now I'm confused. *'Sandy:' muffled, obviously annoyed What is it?! *'SpongeBob:' Well, you said it was five feet, but what measure of feet? *'Sandy:' muffled, obviously angered What measure of feet?! *'SpongeBob:' Yeah. Do you mean statue feet or nautical feet? *'Sandy:' come out of ground Oh, would you just...?! SpongeBob below the ground *'SpongeBob:' Ah! Ah! finger is placed over his mouth What's going on, Sandy? *'Sandy:' whispers Shh. I'll explain in a second. above sand carefully; crawls back down We're hiding from...him. *'SpongeBob:' shoulders Him? *'Sandy:' My cousin, Amus. We're hiding from him down here until he leaves. *'SpongeBob:' Why? *'Sandy:' He's not exactly the best person to be with. He'll steal your watch if he doesn't steal your happiness first. *'SpongeBob:' So...he's a conman? *'Sandy:' Precisely, so you and I are going to wait down here until he leaves. Shouldn't be too long until he's lured by something valuable on a fish walking by. *'SpongeBob:' But Sandy, I think that he'll be able to detect us down here. *'Sandy:' How so? *'SpongeBob:' Well, on the map, it claimed we had to be five feet from your house, but we're four feet, eleven inches. to map This map is inaccurate. *'Sandy:' The map! map SpongeBob, why did you bring it down here?! *'SpongeBob:' What's the matter? *'Sandy:' The map can explode at any time! Who knows when it will...begins beeping of course. explodes *''abundance of dust covers the screen; the dust clears up, revealing SpongeBob and Sandy to be unscathed, yet coughing'' *'SpongeBob:' coughs We survived! *'Sandy:' And so did the hole! around Now hopefully Amus didn't hear or see the explosion. *'Amus:' offscreen Oh, I did. up between SpongeBob and Sandy I was here all along. This hole was easy to detect, too. Who puts a hole four feet, eleven inches from their house? I would've gone with five. That way, I wouldn't know to use statue or nautical feet. *'Sandy:' up remote; presses button; all three are lifted out of the hole and onto the surface What are you doing here, Amus?! *'Amus:' Like you didn't know I was coming. laughs And can't I drop in anytime to visit an old cousin of mine. *'Sandy:' The only thing getting old is your act, Amus. pushing Amus away You best be on your way, Amus. *'Amus:' But I just got here, Sandy. *'Sandy:' pushing Which is three days too long. Now get out of here before I call the police...again. *'Amus:' arm Well, I wouldn't say that the police came down that time. *'Sandy:' You're right. It wasn't the police. up fingers It was the police, the SWAT team, and the Oceanic Law Enforcement Bureau. *'SpongeBob:' walking away I can see that we have a little...family feud here. So, I am going to come back later...unless the SWAT team comes here. Gary has some quotes "issues" with them. *'Sandy:' That might be the best thing to do, SpongeBob. to SpongeBob But let me warn you. Amus is a conman, and he'll do anything he can to trick you. Stay away from him. *'Amus:' in front of Sandy I don't know if you guys noticed, but I'm still here. hand See. Taking up the space between you two. *'SpongeBob:' chin Hmm. How do I know that "taking up the space" means that you are about to steal something from one of us? *'Amus:' around; makes grumbling sound Shh. Did you hear that? grumbling sound again My tummy is rumbling up a storm. It's so hard to con on an empty stomach. *'SpongeBob:' Empty stomach, eh? fingers Got it! How would you like to fill your stomach at the best restaurant in town? *'Amus:' And what restaurant would that be? *'SpongeBob:' Not I really do know that you're new in town. up arms Why, it's none other than the Krusty Krab! *'Amus:' Krusty Krab, huh? I guess the name of a suit doesn't judge the tailor. *'Sandy:' Wait, what? *'Amus:' I'm saying let's get going! I'm starving! *'Sandy:' You guys can run along. to treedome I have an invention to work on, yet I'll catch up later. *'Amus:' Not without running shoes, you're not. laughing hysterically; follows SpongeBob to the Krusty Krab *''cuts to the Krusty Krab dining area; SpongeBob, with his hat on, walks into the restaurant with Amus'' *'SpongeBob:' Here we are. The place I was telling you about. *'Amus:' around This place looks pretty big. Looks like it can hold a lot of something. Like money stolen from a bank...or, convicts from the local prison you have stored in your quotes "safe house". *'SpongeBob:' Uh...right. to kitchen I'll go cook us up some patties. Why don't you order? dollar to Amus *'Amus:' dollar Order, huh? Nah. snarls More like...invest. walks up to the register with cloth and spray Cash register cleaning services. May I see your owner? *'Squidward:' I don't know. Can you? book Don't answer. I don't really care. down and reads book *'Mr. Krabs:' out of office door What's this about a cash register cleaning service? Who's talking about cleaning me precious Cashy? *'Amus:' That would be me, my good sir. *'Mr. Krabs:' Well you're not laying a hand on me precious register. up nose It holds some of me most valuable money. *'Amus:' Oh, but I'm not touching the register. I'm just here to clean it. You will be the only one touching this register right here. *'Mr. Krabs:' Really? You're not pulling my leg here, are you? *'Amus:' Nope. Not at all. up bucket boiling water Just a little water should do the trick. *'Mr. Krabs:' Great then. money out of register I'll let you get started on that. money to safe *'Amus:' Squidward You don't mind if I quickly clean the register, do you? *'Squidward:' Nope. Not at all. I don't use it anyway. *'Amus:' Perfect. silently; opens money tray and begins pouring water into the tray The job isn't quite done yet. laughs; throws match into water, causing an abundance of steam Ha ha ha! *'Mr. Krabs:' out of office I just have one question: I'm not being charged for your service, am I? *'Amus:' Not at all, Mr. Krabs. I'm actually done with the cleaning, so I'll be on my way. *'Mr. Krabs:' Well, then get to it before I kick you out for not buying anything. *'Male Fish 1:' escorted out of Krusty Krab with police officer Yeah. *''Krabs goes back into office'' *'Amus:' hole into register Or am I done? in through hole I'll be buying something, you cheapskate. I'll be buying investments, if you know what I mean. hole into register; sticks in a pipe attacked to a suction machine Ha! I'll be rich by tomorrow! out of hole; places the cut-out piece back into hole I best be out, before I have to buy anything. *'SpongeBob:' head out of window And we have two Krabby Patties! *'Amus:' shakes head; to Squidward Why don't you run out of here when you have the chance? *'Squidward:' Because that would require walking. *''cuts to Amus and SpongeBob, sitting at a Krusty Krab table'' *'Amus:' Hey, thanks for buying. *'SpongeBob:' Oh, no problem, Amus. Say, do you even have any money right now? *'Amus:' Not really. Probably about a clam or two. *'SpongeBob:' Well, that's bad. Say, do you have a place to stay for the night? *'Amus:' Only if there is an apartment in Bikini Bottom that they'll give to you for free. *'SpongeBob:' Not any that I knew of. idea Hey, why don't you come live with me for a little while until you can find a place to stay. *'Amus:' burger That doesn't sound too bad. Being in a pineapple, searching the town, and working at the Krusty Krab. *'SpongeBob:' Working at the Krusty Krab? *'Amus:' Yeah. Your boss just hired me. Speaking of that, do you mind filling out a job application for me? I would, but it costs three, no, five clams, and I don't have that kind of money. *'SpongeBob:' Sure thing, Amus. into office *'Amus:' Ah, what a good kid. I sort of feel bad that I'm not going to pay him back. laughs *''cuts to the Krusty Krab the next afternoon; the camera cuts into the dining area'' *'Amus:' out of kitchen with tray This tray of food is so cold in my hands. I have to get this tray to the table before my hands freeze off. a passing Squidward Or maybe it doesn't have to be my hands that freeze. walking beside Squidward *'Squidward:' at Amus So newbie, huh? *'Amus:' Yep. Gosh, this tray is cold. It's like a house is inside of the tray and someone turned on the A/C, huh? chuckles *'Squidward:' pause Uh huh. *'Amus:' Yeah, but remember. Newbie here. I could make a mistake at any time. Squidward; while Squidward is tripping, Amus places the tray in Squidward's empty hand *'Squidward:' Whoa! and hits table, where the tray is released right in front of the customer Oof! in pain Well, this still doesn't hurt as much as regretting to work here. grunts *'Amus:' over Oh, Squidward. You didn't have to carry my tray for me. Thank you for doing that. tip from customer Let me repay you with this clam. What you say? You can't take it? Well, if you say so. clam into shirt pocket; walks into Mr. Krabs's office *'Mr. Krabs:' up from desk Well, if it isn't Amus, our newest employee. What brings you into me quarters? *'Amus:' Oh, well, I don't mean to bother you, sir, but I just wanted to let you know that Squidward has left for the day. *'Mr. Krabs:' What?! He wasn't supposed to leave until three minutes from now. That's it! I'm docking his pay! *'Amus:' You should, Mr. Krabs! And you should give it to someone worthy for that money! *'Mr. Krabs:' Yeah, like...uh...you! Consider your check officially raised! *'Amus:' Yes, sir! Shall I go after Squidward? *'Mr. Krabs:' Yes! Take all of the time you need! *'Amus:' Yes, sir! I'll even take accumulate half of my vacation time if needed! *'Mr. Krabs:' That's the way, Amus! to dining area Now get out of me office! *'Amus:' Yes, sir! out of Krusty Krab; laughs hysterically A pay raise and vacation time. walking from Krusty Krab Amus, you sir, are a professional conman. *''cuts to SpongeBob's pineapple; Amus is lying on the couch, sleeping'' *'SpongeBob:' blanket on Amus Ah. Sleeping peacefully. Remember not to make too much noise, Gary. *'Gary:' bullhorn; puts bullhorn away Meow meow meow ma-meow. away; SpongeBob follows *'Amus:' eyes Yes, they're gone! back And I'm quotes "resting" in comfort. laughs But gosh, am I hungry. I knew one patty wouldn't fill my gullet. up Let's see what SpongeBob has in the kitchen. *'SpongeBob:' in scene Did you call? *'Amus:' startled Ah! calms Oh, yeah. I said I heard your stomach growling. *'SpongeBob:' You did? Hmm. I didn't hear anything. *'Amus:' You sound hungry. I think you could eat...three clam of mushroom soups. *'SpongeBob:' Really? You think so? *'Amus:' Yep. SpongeBob toward kitchen And you're wasting precious cooking time. Let's get to it. *'SpongeBob:' Well, okay then. into kitchen *''25-30 minutes later'' *'SpongeBob:' out of kitchen with three bowls of clam of mushroom soup Three clam of mushroom soups ready for pick-up. tummy Well, I do feel hungry, but only enough for two. Say, Amus. Do you want one? *'Amus:' Oh, really? Me? Never even crossed my mind. bowl and spoon But sure, I'll have one. whispers I love when I get what I want. *'SpongeBob:' walking upstairs I'll finish these upstairs. Just call if you need anything, Amus. *'Amus:' evilly That yellow fool! He is so easy to control! But why control just one yellow ignoramus when you can control all of the weak-minded people of Bikini Bottom. All I need is the right technology. And I know just the right scape-squirrel to do it. hands *''cuts to the treedome; Amus is trying to convince his cousin, Sandy, for tools to build a machine'' *'Amus:' Oh, but please, Sandy! *'Sandy:' And what makes you think that I'm going to give you my tools so you can build a device of some sort? *'Amus:' Because I'm your favorite cousin, right? And because family comes first...when it comes to building devices that the cousin does not want to reveal where the idea came up from or what the machine's purpose is. *'Sandy:' I don't trust you with my tools, Amus. up toolbox And you're not my favorite cousin! around *'Amus:' whispers Talk about tough love. idea Ah! An urchin! *'Sandy:' up toolbox in fright Where?! *'Amus:' toolbox Don't worry, Sandy! I'll take these tools with me to keep them safe! out of treedome *'Sandy:' Good thinking! around in fear Just show yourself, urchin! *''cuts back to SpongeBob's backyard'' *'Amus:' Let's see now. What will I need to build such a machine? facepalm I already know what I need, but getting it is another mean of action. I need someone to do it for me. But who? *'Gary:' into scene Meow. *'Amus:' Ah. The snail. sarcastically Just what I need. idea Or actually just what I need. around Snail, would you mind...nah, you couldn't do it. *'Gary:' Meow? *'Amus:' No, maybe you can do it when you're older. *'Gary:' Meow?! *'Amus:' Well, if you must know, I was seeing if someone could run into town and pick me up some spare parts. But sadly, you're a snail, and snails are too weak to get me, say, a dual axle driven turnbuckle, three triple oscillators, a turbo understeer suspension system, and a multi-wheel propeller with a two-guage mount. *'Gary:' up tall Meow meow meow mo-meow! out of scene; returns immediately with a ton of supplies and parts Meow? *'Amus:' Oh. I do see. You can hold all of this. But I bet you can't put it all together in the order up blueprint this blueprint states, eh? *'Gary:' Meow. Meow ma-meow meow meow. blueprint; whirls around the parts *''seconds later'' *'Amus:' machine Whoa. You really built this well, snail. reveals machine, which appears to be a hovering seat *'Gary:' with eyes closed Meow meow mo-meow ma-meow. *''cuts to reveal a white, chrome seat'' *'Amus:' Yes, you'll get your fifty cents. Gary Now move along. I have a lot to do. smirks A lot of mind work. laughs *''cuts to Amus, driving a boat with his chrome chair strapped to the back'' *'Amus:' through red light This thing practically pays for itself. I'm making all of the stop signs. *''blares'' *'Amus:' back; sees police car What do they want? the boat over Let's see what they have to say. out of car *'Police Officer:' to Amus Sir, you do realize why we stopped you, right? *'Amus:' Let's see. Was it because I was speeding, ran through three stop lights, and because I pulled over in a "no parking" zone? *'Police Officer:' laughs Do you think we care about any of that stuff? to the road laughing Are you hearing this, Mike?! up, suddenly standing No, we don't. What we do in fact care about is to seat this, sir. Chrome seats traveling at speeds of over sixty nautical miles per hour is illegal in this city. I'm afraid we're going to have to confiscate it. *'Amus:' I understand, kind officer. chair; places it on ground Allow me to just say goodbye. handrest I'm sorry that I'm going to have to let you go, chair...into chair and presses "on" buttom with me! begins hovering and floats from police officer *'Police Officer:' Runaway chair! *'Police Officer 2:' over Nah, it's not our problem. It's not going sixty nautical miles per hour. *'Amus:' cuts to the chair Ha ha ha! Time to put this plan into effect. a buttom labled "Microphone" on the chair; points to female fish Hey. Miss! *'Female Fish:' around Huh? Me? *'Amus:' Yeah, you. to an apple stand Do you see that apple stand over there? *'Female Fish:' Yeah. away Well, bye. *'Amus:' Hold it! "Stop" button I command you to through me that apple! *'Female Fish:' tall Yes, master...master...guy. to stand *'Apple Stand Clerk:' You know you're going to have to pay for those, right? *'Female Fish:' out wallet; throws wallet into Apple Stand Clerk's face; takes apple Coming with apple. *'Apple Stand Clerk:' Well, at least I have money to fix my nose. *'Female Fish:' apple to Amus There you go, Master Guy! *'Amus:' Yes! A snack! apple I'm almost too happy to eat it. *'Sandy:' offscreen Not so fast, Amus! pans quickly to Sandy You're not going to eat that apple while I'm here. *'Amus:' But I wasn't going to eat...whatever. "Microphone" button I command you to turn around and lock yourself in your treedome! *'Sandy:' No, Amus! I will not fall under your mind control! *'Amus:' How did you know it was mind control? *'Sandy:' Oh. You really don't know. Of course you wouldn't! *'Amus:' Know what? *'Sandy:' You mean you didn't know about what Gary and I did to sabotage your plan? *'Amus:' Sabotage?! *'Sandy:' That's right! It was actually pretty easy. *''begins at SpongeBob's backyard; Gary is running from Amus to get the spare parts; Sandy narrates'' *'Sandy:' narrates You challenged Gary to go and get the parts you need for my machine. rushes from Amus He was on his way to get the parts when he passed my treedome. stops at treedome, seeing a frantic Sandy Gary proceeds to help me get the urchin, yet we both find that it was just one of your rouses. Gary tells me that you sent him to get some parts for his machine. gasps I knew you couldn't be up to any good, so I quickly whipped up some replacement parts, runs out of scene; returns with a pile of parts, which she hands to Gary and hopped into the pile. into pile of parts *''cuts to SpongeBob's backyard, where Amus to waiting for Gary'' *'Sandy:' narrating Once we approached at SpongeBob's backyard, I quickly hopped out of the back of the pile. behind Amus; takes out alternate blueprint I switched the blueprints Amus's blueprint with Sandy's blueprint and watched as Gary made the updated version your machine. *''cuts to modern day'' *'Amus:' Updated version? *'Sandy:' That's right. Gary, if you would do the honors. *'Gary:' into scene Meow meow. button on remote Meow meow ma-meow meow...meow meow. *'Amus:' begins ejecting tiny bots What? What's going on? enter into random fish's ears What are those things doing? *'Sandy:' Oh, just changing the brainwaves of their brains that ignore the frequencies emmited from the microphone of yours. arms In other words, you won't be convincing anyone. *'Amus:' No! on microphone You, sir! Bring me that stick! I command you! *'Male Fish:' Huh? finger in ear I feel like I hear this...high-pitched ringing. finger out of ear *'Amus:' What?! No! to female fish You, madam! Bring me that record out of that window! *'Female Fish:' Huh? around Who said that? It was as if someone was trying to convince me of something. Yet strangely, as if by a brain radioactivity altering device, it sounded strangely muted. shoulder; walks away *'Amus:' sighs I think I've been defeated. button to lower chair to ground Just take me off to jail already. out wrists *'Sandy:' Oh, you're not going to jail. I have a job that's better for you. laughs *''cuts to SpongeBob's kitchen; Amus is cooking clam of mushroom soup'' *'SpongeBob:' at dining table Chop chop, Amus. Chop chop. *'Amus:' onions I already am! over with three bowls of clam of mushroom soups Order up. *'SpongeBob:' sarcastically Oh, Amus. I believe I can only eat two of these. Help yourself to one. *'Amus:' growls Don't mind if I do. bowl *'SpongeBob:' two bowls; sighs in relief Boy, it really does pay to con. laughs *''ends'' Category:Absorbent Days Category:Absorbent Days Episodes Category:Absorbent Days Episodes: Season Two Category:Episodes Category:MrScience12 Category:2013 Category:Transcripts Category:Episode Transcripts